Caring for the Lambs

by Malcolm and Cathy Kyte

Queens Road Church, Wimbledon, UK

We once read of a young girl who asked her Grandma for a Bible story book. Somewhat surprised, the Grandma checked that this was, indeed, what she wanted. ‘Oh yes,’ answered the girl emphatically. ‘Bible stories are good for you – like orange juice!’

As parents, we encourage our children to choose and develop good values in life – whether in behaviour patterns, moral choices, personal hygiene or healthy eating! Much of our influence is ‘caught’ as well as ‘taught’. Whatever we try to teach our children it will be our attitudes and behaviour that they particularly take in. Someone once said, ‘Children have never been very good at listening to their elders but they have never failed to imitate them!’

As Christian parents, however, at the heart of our responsibility to our children lies the desire to introduce them to God and His Word. Sometimes parents can feel slightly daunted at the magnitude of the task, probably because to see our children develop a meaningful relationship with God is the one thing that we long and pray for above all else.

When our own children were growing up we definitely placed our emphasis on the Deuteronomy 6 style of spiritual teaching. ‘These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home, and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up’ (Deut. 6:6-7).

Our approach was to make it as natural to talk about, include and acknowledge God in our family as anyone else. His importance and influence on us as parents was paramount, and we aimed to pass that on to our children. They saw us reading the newspaper and reading the Bible, they joined us in chatting about their day and praying about it. We tried to show them how much we loved them, and we tried to show them how much Jesus loves them!

Children don’t compartmentalise ‘spiritual and secular’ – it’s all gloriously mixed up together (as it should be for all of us)! Once, Cathy mistakenly left the keys in the car door in a public car park. When she returned with the children to find the car still there, it was natural for them to immediately thank God for keeping the car safe. The children then rushed excitedly to tell Malcolm that ‘God saved the car’!

Ben, now aged 22, says that an awareness was fostered in him that he had a Heavenly Father as well as earthly parents. ‘We knew that beyond mum and dad there was a whole other level of safety in God. He was part of family life without being forced on us. I took this security with me when I left home every morning and faced hard days at school.’

Andrew, now aged nineteen, says that there has never been a time when he questioned the existence of God, nor doubted the veracity of the Bible. The challenges have come, he says, in leading a Christian life and obeying God’s word but never in struggling with his faith. We take no credit for the sovereign work of God in his life, but fostering a climate where God has as natural a place as anyone else in the family may have helped.

This is not to ignore the need for nurturing good habits of Bible-reading and prayer. But the key has to be to persuade children of the tangible benefits of doing so. Our children enjoyed being read to from the Beginner’s Bible when they were little and the simple text meant that once they started to learn to read they could soon do so for themselves.

When Joanna was about six she used to get scared of the creaks and noises she heard once she’d gone to bed. We showed her Psalm 4:8, ‘I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you, oh Lord, make me dwell in safety.’

She was so thrilled that the Bible said something that was helpful to her in such a specific way that she wrote it in a notebook. Then, over the months, whenever she came across a Bible verse that was particularly relevant to her, she added that to the book. Wonderfully, she had realised that God was interested in her life and His Word was a useful tool for her.

Ben recalls –

‘Dad used to write out Bible verses on cards and stick them above our beds. They were promises from God to us. I remember them clearly: “Ask and it will be given to you.” These have become part of my life ever since.’

Obviously it’s good to show children that God’s Word has things to say about their lives. But do emphasise verses about God’s love for them and total commitment to them, unlike Malcolm who, in frustration, pointed out to our son Ephesians 6:1, ‘children obey your parents’! ‘Ah yes,’ he replied solemnly. ‘I think you’ve shown me that before.’ (Probably a great example of how not to bring up your children!)

As they grew older, our children used the International Children’s Bible. This is a great Bible as it is very simple and easy to understand, but is a direct translation rather than just a Bible story book.

Our children all enjoyed doing the CWR Topz Bible notes (aimed at about 7-11-year-olds) but used them in different ways. Two of them followed the notes every night; our other child did a big catch-up every few days and seemed to get more out of them that way. It’s important to take into account what works best for each child and not follow a particular regime if they really hate it! As our children got older and had homework we tried to be careful not to make it seem like a further chore – ‘have you done your maths, your spellings and your Topz!’

We didn’t have set times to pray together as a family but when the children were quite young Malcolm had a few trips to the Philippines. Every night he was away Cathy and the children would spend a short time before bedtime praying for him; it made them feel they had a part to play in what he was doing. (They also had chocolate treats so it was a good combination!)

We always spent time praying with the children individually at bedtime. That was often when they asked questions and shared problems, though they sometimes prolonged going to bed by asking deep theological questions!

Our aim has always been for our children to see praying, reading the Bible and worshipping as good and fun. We know of families who have daily or weekly family praise times. For some, that will seem a wonderful idea, for others, it may fill them with horror! You have to take into account the age differences between your children, their personalities and whether the times when the family are regularly all together coincide with children being too tired etc. It’s good to learn from others, but don’t succumb to the pressure of following ideas slavishly if they don’t work well for your family.

Although the charge to ‘train up your children in the way that they should go’ is given directly to parents, God has given us a wonderful support through our church families. There will be those who actively care for our children, those who faithfully pray for them and those who are gifted in opening up the Word of God to them. Their care will be of such value to parents as they persevere in making Jesus known to their children. As Ben said, ‘It isn't easy, there are mistakes and tears along the way, but God will prove Himself faithful in the end!'